ADHD (Actively Distracted hearing dysfunction)
I have ADHD. If you don’t know what that is, you might live under a rock. By definition, ADHD is Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, a chronic condition that can lead to low self-esteem and difficulties with school, relationships, and work. However, if you have experienced this “chronic illness” firsthand, your personal definition may sound like this: “I’m a stubborn, immature smartass/jackass that refuses to understand and is never understood so I therefore act on my instinct which is an impulse causing my grades, employment, and relationships to suffer.” The “personal experience” definition is the identity I’ve lived my life by and struggle with depending on the day. As someone learning to love and forgive themselves as they are shown love and forgiveness, I still feel the shame over my hard-headedness. The good news is that I’m now equipped to bear its weight, endure its longevity, and hope for a better future. Ok…cool… So how do we get there and why are we getting melodramatic about active listening?
Before I unpack the “how do we get there?” question, let’s address the 800lb melodramatic gorilla named Kurchack breathing angrily in the room… I’ve struggled with my attention span for as long as I can remember. In the beginning, I believe my struggle with concentration was solely the side effect of the imperfection bug. As I grew older, it grew to be not only more of a struggle, but a coping mechanism by way of daydreaming and escapisms fueled by a curious desperation for relief. It was like my mind was trying to break the sound barrier while revisiting every single previous moment; over analyzing and over critiquing. Now, before you go thinking this is all ADHD's doing, it’s not. I share guilt in this by choosing to live in that mind state as well as gutting experiences that helped me arrive at this state. Whether or not you believe something like this is a predisposition, it doesn’t change the fact that for much of my life, my mind has been a prison for me. It held me back in relationships both romantic and non. I would often find myself concerned with only myself while struggling to take account how I was affecting those around me.
Imagine an animal all alone in the wild, wounded from abuse and abandoned by their pack. Longing for shelter, hungry for food, and thirsty for water. Fixated on the things that will lead to their survival and terrified of the events that led them to where they are. We as a people are not much different when betrayal leaves us with broken hearts. The difference is our sentience. Our sentience allows us to perceive reality, knowing that we are conscious and able to learn and grow from where we are.
Here’s my answer regarding the “how do we get there?” question.
It is my belief no one knows this answer better than a man named Jesus Christ of Nazareth. In the historical account of His life, specifically in the book of John, Jesus made a statement in a conversation that not only helped me understand myself, but also the ones around me. He said, “Truly, Truly I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen.” (John 3:11 ESV) The literal context of this verse is prefaced by a conversation Jesus was having with a Pharisee named Nicodemus. The topic of discussion was salvation and how it works. Nicodemus was having trouble understanding what Jesus was saying. This is concerning because as a Pharisee, Nicodemus is looked to as a teacher and religious leader that is supposed to guide and answer questions of those curious about the Lord he serves. Jesus said he teaches in earthly concepts because they are what we bear witness to on a daily basis. and that if someone of Nicodemus’ authority is having trouble understanding what the Lord he serves is saying, then how would he be able to understand and share the heavenly concepts by which his Lord operates? There is a lot to unpack here and I would like to encourage you all to read and think about this. In the case you don’t want to right now, I’d like to share with you a direction my mind went. I thought about the people who bore witness to pain, betrayal, damning secrets, abandonment, unaccounted for mistakes, any and all injustice imaginable under the sun on a consistent basis. I began to wonder how they might speak or testify based upon what they bore witness to. Two words came to mind as I thought: brokenness and ignorance.
Brokenness, because what we witness can break us in ways that may take an entire lifetime to heal from and understand.
Ignorance, because out of our brokenness, we speak and testify in a way that doesn’t know any better because we haven’t been shown better.
I realized that it wasn’t just me in this boat, we all are. With this new insight, forgiveness of myself and others became easier. This led me on a journey of how I can better be there for myself and others who are suffering from the pains and groanings of ignorant brokenness. It wasn’t until I started the book of Mark, and reading the parable of the sower, I realized the chokehold ignorant brokenness has on human culture. This impact transcends historical, gender, racial, and class boundaries while being webbed together by hurtful experiences. Jesus told a crowd of people listening to Him that we must have ears to hear, turn away from our current direction of life, and be forgiven by Him for our part in the hurt we’ve added to this world if we want to understand His Kingdom’s purpose. This concept is found in Mark 4:9-12.
For those of us that feel broken beyond repair, while longing for change and healing, so we might be active and present in this life for a little while, we must turn to the one that knows us better than we will ever know ourselves. Let Him be the good and new thing you bear witness to so that you may speak and testify to a life beyond condemnation. A life that bears witness to healing and unconditional love. A life where you are present and may actively share with others.
- Written by Michael Munevar